How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
