I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
