if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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