i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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