i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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