I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
