Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
