bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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