I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
