I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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