she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
it's like iHOP with fire
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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