just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
