this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
