New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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