is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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