We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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