So drunk its hurt
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
