Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
