Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
