Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
