u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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