i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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