I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
