I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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