whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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