What did we do last night that was yellow?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
