I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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