I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
