It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
