so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
