At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You ruined the universe
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
