When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
