God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
