I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
