What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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