Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
