you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
