Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
