Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My bed smells like the plague
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
