I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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