found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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