I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
