New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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