I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
