Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
