Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
