i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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