i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
