Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
