i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
do herpes really smell.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
