i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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