Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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