The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You may now shotgun with the bride
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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