Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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