It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
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Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
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The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.