I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
