When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.