How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We got so high we made milksteak
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.