Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
