I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.