he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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