I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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