I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
