he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
