I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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