I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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