Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
