I'll bet she douches with gravy.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You made out with two different species that night
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
