I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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