mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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