I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
