my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
