Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
