When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
