My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
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