Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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