Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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