real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
