Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
