sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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